To be writing this is such a big deal for me because for the longest time i have struggled with the feeling that accompanies “doing everything right but still remaining seemingly stagnant” and yet still having to face the world every single day with the “yes i have this all figured out” attitude………… in other words……….. “i need help but i am too “scared, proud, unsure, weak” to scream so i will kind of fake it till i figure it out.

On a lot of days it felt like i was being punished for what i did not know i did wrong and on others…….well!!!! it just felt like “this is what i have to deal with so i might as well go with the flow”………………….If anything, the harder i tried the more i looked like a “one hit wonder” because you see, i have produced before…………it reflects on my resume! but for whatever reason in this season, i do not seem to have any harvest!  but yet again,

i have produced before………………… so i know my soil is fertile.

I was privileged to visit a farm and help out some months back and while working, i paused to examine the field and i became curious about how farming works………for someone like my father with whom i was on the farm, his story cannot be told without including the word “farming” if anything he went to school with the proceeds of farming so technically he knows a lot about it, but for an amateur like me it was slightly absurd to see that we were harvesting and planting simultaneously but as curious as i was, i didn’t bother to ask in that moment. Instead, i went back to do a bit of research and in the course of my research i got to know that except a farmer uses the green house or irrigation method, it is quite impossible to produce all year round so when it is season, the farmer tends to maximize every opportunity.

I got to know that the soil itself needs time to rejuvenate which it does during the off season and this enables it to give optimum support to the seed when they are planted…….the seed on the other hand doesn’t just sprout even during season instead it has to establish its roots which will further enable good produce.

In all of this, one thing was very clear to me………….all of these seasons are vital for the fruitfulness of the seed……….. I also got to know that the time required to harvest is so little compared to the time and effort put into the preparation and tilling of the soil.

For majority of the year i have felt like i wasn’t producing, like i wasn’t being fruitful…………don’t get me wrong i have had some good moments and achievements but if i am to be honest, i have felt more pressed/dormant than anything, i have felt like i have put in the work but had nothing to show for it and just like the farmers do, i have felt like i have tilled the land but in my case my seed hasn’t exactly brought forth any produce

but then, now i know and i will intentionally remember……………that its all in seasons so just because i am not bringing forth now doesn’t mean i won’t later……….the work i am putting in now and the work God is doing within me {excavation, pressing, rebuilding} are actually establishing my roots and tilling my soil……………and after all is done i will transition into a new season and I WILL PRODUCE.

Dear Lord, i am still trying to understand the circle of seasons in my life and on some days, it is easier to understand than it is on others but in all i want to constantly remember that you are for me and not against me and that its all a circle. Help me Dear Father to intentionally remember that its all working together for my good even during the seasons that i feel cold, alone and all shades of ugly and to trust that every season is preparing me for the season of produce/harvest. And help me to know ever the more that even now i am not losing. Amen